I love my partner, however I do not know why, the passion has been declining and I no longer wish him as before. What I can do? Is my relationship in the last?
Surely you have ever found yourself in this position. You’ve been with your partner for a while, you love him madly, but everything has changed.
Habit and routine have caused this to affect your sex life. No longer there is the novelty, the spark has been extinguished and, sometimes, you get to think that the relationship is about to end.
However, do not lose your cool. The decrease in sexual desire is something totally natural that has to be seen as something that happens and that does not imply that the relationship is going badly.
I no longer wish him as before, do not panic!
When my partner no longer desires her as before, desperate thoughts may appear in my mind that get fed up with reflecting on different ways of returning to how everything was at the beginning.
However, as we know, returning to the past is not possible, although it is something that, in this case, happens quite frequently.
Sometimes, we use the memories of that past to show our partner what they used to do and what they did now or not.
However, if we want to recover the passion, this is not acting in our favor.
In our society we have been taught that when things change in a relationship we must enter into “drama mode”. However, this is because of the sharp refusal that we have before any change.
However, we do not realize that the changes are not necessarily for the worse. In fact, the lack of desire in a relationship will allow you to tackle a new challenge, just as it was the fact of going to live together or having children.
It is not more different than that. The problem is that we have magnified so much the meaning that sex has in a relationship that, in our desperation, we do not act in the best of ways.
Thus, we end up blaming the other and adding more tension to the situation.
The reason why I no longer wish him as before
Before entering that “drama mode” it is important to analyze the possible reasons why sexual relations have had a clear decline.
The possibilities can be many. However, being honest with ourselves will prevent us from damaging the relationship and from hurting ourselves or the other person.
For that, let’s see some affirmations with which you may or may not feel identified. We repeat, it is important that you be honest with yourself!
- I no longer wish him as before because I feel safe maintaining habits and routines. Underneath all this lies a great fear of change.
- I have stopped giving details to my partner or to show him with small things how much I love her, totally, she already knows!
- In my life there is a lot of stress with respect to work or the economy that cause my bad mood and that my partner is the target of all my frustration.
- There are problems that I have decided not to face (little or no communication with my partner, he is always at work, he has been unfaithful to me).
- Actually I do not love him anymore, but I’m with my partner because I feel comfortable and I’m afraid of not finding anyone else.
The denial is the first reaction that will prevent perspective look at your relationship. However, this will also work against you, since by doing this you are not solving what causes you so much discomfort.
Going to couples therapy
If, despite all the above, the couple alone is not able to solve this lack of passion, it may be important to think about going to couple therapy.
Although, for this, it is important to do a previous work.
What are we referring to?
To that we must stop blaming the other of the situation, that we must open our eyes and not blind ourselves with just the point of view we have. We must be open to seeing things from another perspective.
As we have mentioned, denial is one of the first reactions that we must also ignore.
Knowing all this, do we begin to leave the comfort of routine and begin to include changes and new things that give life to the relationship?
Do we stop relaxing and waiting for those sparks to emerge from nowhere?