Do you have someone in your environment, be it a friend, family member or co-worker, who not only does not listen to you, but always manages to trample your dreams and dust you every time you meet? Well, we are sorry to tell you that it is a toxic person for you.
But, careful, that does not mean it is for everyone. This is what happens, for example, with some abusers, who “have a consciously planned behavior and do not exercise violence (psychological or physical) against anyone. They are aggressive in a selective way, “explains sociologist Marta Monllor, technical director of the Aspacia Foundation, a center that cares for victims and aggressors.
It is also a question of perception. Someone harmful to you can be a sun for the neighbor. Would you say that a man, who makes fun of the disabled, does not respect women and does not know empathy for immigrants is toxic? Kevin Dutton, a researcher at the University of Oxford (United Kingdom), places Donald Trump, with 171 points, above Hitler, who adds 169, in his inventory of psychopathic personalities. Although almost 60 million Americans saw it in a different way, rather as someone worthy to govern them.
Also, there are people who are only harmful when you spend too much time. Or sometimes they are and sometimes not. Maybe, when they are worried about something, they become anxious, contagious and self-centered, that do not stop charging us with guilt. And when they are calm, they are generous, fun and considerate. It’s ringing, right? Not only do you know people like that, but … maybe you also have something toxic in yourself. Or are you always kind and compassionate?
Here are some tips that can help you protect yourself from toxic people:
Put limits. There is no more foolish way to lose energy than to listen to a person who is focused on their problems and does not want to know about solutions, looking for the compassion of others to feel better. In general, we do it for education: it is violent for us to leave the word in our mouths to that friend who has been complaining for half an hour. But is it worth it? A good way to cut him off is to ask him how he plans to fix it.
Choose your battles. Sometimes, it’s not worth it to face a toxic person and you end up sooner if you pretend not to have heard it or if you give the reason like crazy people. In each case, think about what will be best for you: face up (and carry the added negative emotions of a fight) or fight with art.
Do not enter the rag. If you answer in the same line as them, letting their emotions surround you and connect with your own weaknesses, you are lost. Social skills can be trained to seek peaceful solutions to conflicts and not respond to grievance with grievance.
Be aware of what you feel. Taking responsibility for your emotions give you an advantage when responding to a toxic attack (or deciding that it’s not worth it).
Cultivate your self-esteem everyone is influenced by what others say or think, but to a certain extent. No one has more right to judge your own life than yourself.
Concentrate on the solutions. If you look only at the damage that someone does to you, you are giving them power to continue causing you problems. Think only about how you are going to handle that person that will help you take charge of the situation.
Do not forget. If someone has stepped on you once or has disrespected you… you can forgive them, but do not let them repeat it. Protect yourself from the first warning.